A Precursor
It is not often that you sit down to write something that has been brewing since your entry into this world, but as I begin to do just that, I cannot help but feel a bit of nervous excitement. Throughout my life, I have learned to become quite adept at believing one thing yet giving the impression that I believe another. I consider it a great skill to be able to keep your cards close to your chest, but at some point it pays to be open and honest about your true feelings. That point happens to have been a long time ago.
Now I have friends, family, and acquaintances who know the wrong me, and that is sometimes an unfortunate fact. Do not be fooled into thinking that I believe deception is wrong, for I strongly believe that deception and discretion are necessary tools when interacting with the vast majority of people. But it is with those that you care for that these tools should be left in the box. Yet I am guilty. This tendency comes from the desire to want to be liked, and the best way to be liked is to give someone what they want. I do this constantly with my interactions with others. If someone is a sports fan, I cater to their love of sports by talking about sports. If someone is music fan, I speak of music. Religion, I sympathize with their religious views. This continues ad nausea with any number of topics, and in the end, people are convinced that I truly care and associate with their ideas on whatever topic was at hand. In most cases my interest is exaggerated and at other times completely faked, but regardless it leads to someone having a false impression of who I am. Like I stated earlier, this is mostly a good thing in getting ahead in the world… but it is not so great when you can tell friends are being similarly misled.
The other main reason for this misleading, is that is difficult to constantly express your ideas. It strains any relationship to always correct someone’s misinterpretations of your actions or words, and it is often easier to allow the person to think what they please. This is particularly true when you are a naturally contrary person (like myself) and expressing ones self would leave you isolated completely from society. I can say with almost certainty that I will never be ready to speak my views completely to my friends/family because it would probably cause 99% of them to disassociate themselves with me. That is a risk I am not willing to take. I enjoy having many friends, especially those that do not think the same as me. They each have value as a person, even if they would not accept me if I were completely open with them. Instead of having the goal of trying to be completely open about my beliefs/interest with everyone, I intend to maximize the extent that I can be open while keeping the relationship intact. This seems best because it really generates true friendships. With relationships that seem strong, I can strain them by sharing some of my more challenging and upsetting ideas. In this way, they will stress but not break, and in the end the relationship will be stronger than ever. This has been reality for some of my better friendships over the years. But the weak relationships (those where the bond between me and the person are delicate and subject to change) never get to know some of my more radical ideas because they would stress the relationship into non-existence. If I told some of my white friends that I think they are racist simply because I think EVERYONE is racist, that would strain the relationship to an end. So I do not share that idea and I hide that impression of them.
This really got of to a bad start. I am supposed to be writing about religion, and hear I am yapping about keeping ideas from people. The two are linked because I am going to clarify my ideas on religion, even though this has been the main topic of my deception. So many people think so many different things about my religious views, and it is mostly because they associate my views with theirs (I never stop them from doing this, and often promote it). I have chosen to let this happen because religion is a topic SO sensitive to people that I know it would strain family/friends to a point where some relationships can no longer exist. But as a result, I am stretched too thin on a topic that is too important. I must come out of the religious closet and say what I think, and if it screws most of my relationships with people… so be it.
Actually, I am missing the point. I do not think my religious views will break friendships. I think it will disappoint people that mean so much to me. Everybody has friends that wish to be the next John the Baptist, or an adamant Atheist, and I am at neither extreme. But what I do fear is these people will think less of me or that they themselves have failed as a person because of my beliefs. I do not much care about my ancillary friends, it is my good friends and FAMILY that I worry about. It will break my Mom’s heart and probably give my Grandfather a stroke to see that I have deviated from the Baptist Christian good ole’ boy that they expect of me. But the truth in this matter must come out for better of for worse. So without much further adieu, my religious discourse may begin.
And you might as well ignore all of what I just wrote and sum it up with this. Some people are going to be shocked to see my beliefs on religion, and I apologize to you that I did not make it more apparent earlier. But I hope you can learn to accept me as I am and not let my beliefs destroy or damage our relationship. :)
Now I have friends, family, and acquaintances who know the wrong me, and that is sometimes an unfortunate fact. Do not be fooled into thinking that I believe deception is wrong, for I strongly believe that deception and discretion are necessary tools when interacting with the vast majority of people. But it is with those that you care for that these tools should be left in the box. Yet I am guilty. This tendency comes from the desire to want to be liked, and the best way to be liked is to give someone what they want. I do this constantly with my interactions with others. If someone is a sports fan, I cater to their love of sports by talking about sports. If someone is music fan, I speak of music. Religion, I sympathize with their religious views. This continues ad nausea with any number of topics, and in the end, people are convinced that I truly care and associate with their ideas on whatever topic was at hand. In most cases my interest is exaggerated and at other times completely faked, but regardless it leads to someone having a false impression of who I am. Like I stated earlier, this is mostly a good thing in getting ahead in the world… but it is not so great when you can tell friends are being similarly misled.
The other main reason for this misleading, is that is difficult to constantly express your ideas. It strains any relationship to always correct someone’s misinterpretations of your actions or words, and it is often easier to allow the person to think what they please. This is particularly true when you are a naturally contrary person (like myself) and expressing ones self would leave you isolated completely from society. I can say with almost certainty that I will never be ready to speak my views completely to my friends/family because it would probably cause 99% of them to disassociate themselves with me. That is a risk I am not willing to take. I enjoy having many friends, especially those that do not think the same as me. They each have value as a person, even if they would not accept me if I were completely open with them. Instead of having the goal of trying to be completely open about my beliefs/interest with everyone, I intend to maximize the extent that I can be open while keeping the relationship intact. This seems best because it really generates true friendships. With relationships that seem strong, I can strain them by sharing some of my more challenging and upsetting ideas. In this way, they will stress but not break, and in the end the relationship will be stronger than ever. This has been reality for some of my better friendships over the years. But the weak relationships (those where the bond between me and the person are delicate and subject to change) never get to know some of my more radical ideas because they would stress the relationship into non-existence. If I told some of my white friends that I think they are racist simply because I think EVERYONE is racist, that would strain the relationship to an end. So I do not share that idea and I hide that impression of them.
This really got of to a bad start. I am supposed to be writing about religion, and hear I am yapping about keeping ideas from people. The two are linked because I am going to clarify my ideas on religion, even though this has been the main topic of my deception. So many people think so many different things about my religious views, and it is mostly because they associate my views with theirs (I never stop them from doing this, and often promote it). I have chosen to let this happen because religion is a topic SO sensitive to people that I know it would strain family/friends to a point where some relationships can no longer exist. But as a result, I am stretched too thin on a topic that is too important. I must come out of the religious closet and say what I think, and if it screws most of my relationships with people… so be it.
Actually, I am missing the point. I do not think my religious views will break friendships. I think it will disappoint people that mean so much to me. Everybody has friends that wish to be the next John the Baptist, or an adamant Atheist, and I am at neither extreme. But what I do fear is these people will think less of me or that they themselves have failed as a person because of my beliefs. I do not much care about my ancillary friends, it is my good friends and FAMILY that I worry about. It will break my Mom’s heart and probably give my Grandfather a stroke to see that I have deviated from the Baptist Christian good ole’ boy that they expect of me. But the truth in this matter must come out for better of for worse. So without much further adieu, my religious discourse may begin.
And you might as well ignore all of what I just wrote and sum it up with this. Some people are going to be shocked to see my beliefs on religion, and I apologize to you that I did not make it more apparent earlier. But I hope you can learn to accept me as I am and not let my beliefs destroy or damage our relationship. :)
posted by Anthony Jackson at 3:52 PM
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