Confessions
The shame, the shame, this is why you should never lie in the first place. They come back when you least expect it. I was talking to my sister the other day and she reminded me of a night in high school in which I encountered my first real hook up. I was at a house party and one of the girls that I had a crush on (who happened to be a white girl) pulled me into a dark room and proceeded to give me the ole’ Georgia Dome. That would be fallatio for all the squares in the room. It was nice being reminded of that house party, but it rehashed the fact that I had fabricated the entire fluid exchange.
It was a lie, a bold faced lie, told in defense of my shameful innocence. I had honestly forgotten about the whole thing (funny how things that never happened slip from your memory) but once my sister brought it up, the whole scenario reshaped itself in my head. I wanted to correct her then, but I just could not bring myself to doing it. I was afraid of the disappointment or the shock incurred from this revelation. Most of all, I did not want to damage the rock solid trust that we share.
Well Nichole, the truth is out, I am sorry for lying and I hope you can forgive me. The reasons for putting this in a blog and not in a private note or convo with the sis, is because she might not be the only one that is in the dark on this secret past. My best friend Jon may have gotten the story too, and likely anyone else that was curious about my sexual past during the time that I had none. So to all of you also, I am sorry, and slightly ashamed.
I remember how it all started too, I felt jealous of all the attention my sister was getting form the opposite sex and coped by making something up that would give me some credibility in the game area. The story was definitely all fantasy because I did feel pretty left out in high school when I was lacking in the female attention area. Honestly, I put this into one of those insecure high school efforts to make myself into someone much cooler. This is the only really big lie that I can remember from that era, but I am sure little ones such as “I did not break the cafeteria window” or “Really Mom, I do not know why the teacher hates me” also are somewhere in the history books.
Well that’s it. I really do feel bad about betraying my sisters trust, even if it was a long time ago, so please make it easy on me and don’t yell too much at me about it.
Now that I got that out, why not another one. Confessions on a two for the price of one sale.
I used to steal from my mother. GASP!!! When I was in elementary school, I would take money from my mom’s purse and buy candy with it. The school had a candy store that tempted all the kids to get candy, and I was sucked in like a…well like a kid in a candy store. The sad part is that I do not think that I was deprived of candy money on occasion, but I wanted more to increase my cache of goods. The thievery manifested itself mostly in the quarters and dimes. But I remember on some particularly bold days, I would go for the dollar, and the coup de grace was that one day I snatched a $5. That was so much money to an elementary kid that it satisfied my fix for a couple of weeks.
In the end, I had more candy (and cavities) than I knew what to do with. I had the guilty conscious from stealing from my mother to buy candy at my Christian Elementary School, and I had the realization that I had way more candy than I knew what to do with. I was a duffle bag boy when it came to the stuff, I literally had one of those gym bags filled with candy. To ease my conscious slightly, I decided to give the candy to charity, and by charity I mean the kids of the neighborhood. I put a disclaimer on the next series of recollections, as I often wonder if this story has been inflated beyond recognition in my head over the years.
I took my gym bag full of gobstoppers, airheads, bubble yum, sugar daddies, etc. and got together all the kids in the back yard. I then proceeded to throw handfuls of candy into the air and let the kids try and pick it all up. Now that I look back on this, I was the first one to ‘make it rain’. True I was raining down gummies instead of twenties, but to kids it was the same. So this giant free for all of candy continued until there was no more candy left to give, and I felt better about the whole endeavor.
I will have to wait until I get my life rewinder to see how it actually played out in real life, but I am pretty sure the part about me being hoisted in the air and carried on shoulders is 100% accurate.
Well, stealing from the hand that fed me is the other big bad of my life, and it is a shameful moment that tarnishes my otherwise impeccably behaved childhood.
It was a lie, a bold faced lie, told in defense of my shameful innocence. I had honestly forgotten about the whole thing (funny how things that never happened slip from your memory) but once my sister brought it up, the whole scenario reshaped itself in my head. I wanted to correct her then, but I just could not bring myself to doing it. I was afraid of the disappointment or the shock incurred from this revelation. Most of all, I did not want to damage the rock solid trust that we share.
Well Nichole, the truth is out, I am sorry for lying and I hope you can forgive me. The reasons for putting this in a blog and not in a private note or convo with the sis, is because she might not be the only one that is in the dark on this secret past. My best friend Jon may have gotten the story too, and likely anyone else that was curious about my sexual past during the time that I had none. So to all of you also, I am sorry, and slightly ashamed.
I remember how it all started too, I felt jealous of all the attention my sister was getting form the opposite sex and coped by making something up that would give me some credibility in the game area. The story was definitely all fantasy because I did feel pretty left out in high school when I was lacking in the female attention area. Honestly, I put this into one of those insecure high school efforts to make myself into someone much cooler. This is the only really big lie that I can remember from that era, but I am sure little ones such as “I did not break the cafeteria window” or “Really Mom, I do not know why the teacher hates me” also are somewhere in the history books.
Well that’s it. I really do feel bad about betraying my sisters trust, even if it was a long time ago, so please make it easy on me and don’t yell too much at me about it.
Now that I got that out, why not another one. Confessions on a two for the price of one sale.
I used to steal from my mother. GASP!!! When I was in elementary school, I would take money from my mom’s purse and buy candy with it. The school had a candy store that tempted all the kids to get candy, and I was sucked in like a…well like a kid in a candy store. The sad part is that I do not think that I was deprived of candy money on occasion, but I wanted more to increase my cache of goods. The thievery manifested itself mostly in the quarters and dimes. But I remember on some particularly bold days, I would go for the dollar, and the coup de grace was that one day I snatched a $5. That was so much money to an elementary kid that it satisfied my fix for a couple of weeks.
In the end, I had more candy (and cavities) than I knew what to do with. I had the guilty conscious from stealing from my mother to buy candy at my Christian Elementary School, and I had the realization that I had way more candy than I knew what to do with. I was a duffle bag boy when it came to the stuff, I literally had one of those gym bags filled with candy. To ease my conscious slightly, I decided to give the candy to charity, and by charity I mean the kids of the neighborhood. I put a disclaimer on the next series of recollections, as I often wonder if this story has been inflated beyond recognition in my head over the years.
I took my gym bag full of gobstoppers, airheads, bubble yum, sugar daddies, etc. and got together all the kids in the back yard. I then proceeded to throw handfuls of candy into the air and let the kids try and pick it all up. Now that I look back on this, I was the first one to ‘make it rain’. True I was raining down gummies instead of twenties, but to kids it was the same. So this giant free for all of candy continued until there was no more candy left to give, and I felt better about the whole endeavor.
I will have to wait until I get my life rewinder to see how it actually played out in real life, but I am pretty sure the part about me being hoisted in the air and carried on shoulders is 100% accurate.
Well, stealing from the hand that fed me is the other big bad of my life, and it is a shameful moment that tarnishes my otherwise impeccably behaved childhood.
posted by Anthony Jackson at 7:25 PM
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