Anthony the Sellout?
I don’t play Basketball; I don’t read Zane; I think T-Pain is garbage…catchy, but garbage; I think OJ did it; I like Hilary just about as much as Obama; I hated The Coldest Winter Ever; R. Kelly should go to jail; I don’t watch BET, ANTM, The Bernie Mac Show, or any TV for that matter; I play soccer; I prefer old school over new school in virtually any category; and I eat Watermelon and Fried Chicken about as often as the average American.
It’s funny how the simple things define a person… especially if those things are linked to the color of your skin. I just finished watching a YouTube video of Smokey Robinson really making fun of the context we put on race. His message of race being an inside thing and not an outside thing made a good deal of since. So what’s on the inside of me. A lot of gray. Not black or white, just gray. Which leaves me in a tough spot. Black people see that I am black, but also treat me as the black guy who has not ‘embraced’ what it means to be black. With my black peers that usually involves the obvious rap music, club frequenting, woman chasing, white people avoiding, dressing fly, inherent Christianity, and hating on various things. As much as I do not fit those blatant group tendencies, I also lack the more subtle sense of entitlement, anger at the system, fear of homosexuality, and materialistic priorities. Yet I still love Motown, BBQ’s, dancing, and generally having a good time. Like most things in life, I consider I took the good and discarded the bad. But that has left me fairly disconnected.
So now I am in my state of limbo. My new work environment dunked me in the cold water of whiteness, and it was a shock to the system at first. The constant drinking, the lack of music, the silence of interactions (white people are soooo much more silent than black folks), the college sense of humor, and the obsession of sports left me without solid ground to stand on. For the previous six years, I was surrounded by black folks (more or less black folks that shared my racial complexity), and I had no recollection of how to behave in this new world. But instead of running back to black folks, which proved rather dissatisfying, I adjusted. Soon, I could sit out the silences and drink with the best of them. But also, I was eating healthier, having more positive conversations, and trying stuff I never would have done before. Pink Floyd, Camping, Beer, Dave Matthews Band, Dance Clubs (as in Techno), have all been some pretty awesome additions.
I am actually much more at peace with my racial identity now than I can ever recall in my past. It’s primarily because I gave up the baggage that came along with associating with any one race, and just did what felt right to me. And whatever persons had those similar interest, those are my crew. Currently, I primarily hang out with a Guatemalan, Jordanian, Mexican, Nigerian, White, Black crew, and am loving it. The only thing I wish is that more black folks would let go of their roles. This is not a movie where your character is determined by a script. It was like in middle school when you realized sagging your pants was just silly no matter how many of your black friends were doing it. That is the way you have to approach your habits now. If your eating, acting, taking in stuff that is bad for you, change that. If you are not accepting things just because ‘black people don’t do that’, you might want to change that too. The middle is a great place to be, and there is plenty of room. Strangely everyone wants to keep things black and white.
It’s funny how the simple things define a person… especially if those things are linked to the color of your skin. I just finished watching a YouTube video of Smokey Robinson really making fun of the context we put on race. His message of race being an inside thing and not an outside thing made a good deal of since. So what’s on the inside of me. A lot of gray. Not black or white, just gray. Which leaves me in a tough spot. Black people see that I am black, but also treat me as the black guy who has not ‘embraced’ what it means to be black. With my black peers that usually involves the obvious rap music, club frequenting, woman chasing, white people avoiding, dressing fly, inherent Christianity, and hating on various things. As much as I do not fit those blatant group tendencies, I also lack the more subtle sense of entitlement, anger at the system, fear of homosexuality, and materialistic priorities. Yet I still love Motown, BBQ’s, dancing, and generally having a good time. Like most things in life, I consider I took the good and discarded the bad. But that has left me fairly disconnected.
So now I am in my state of limbo. My new work environment dunked me in the cold water of whiteness, and it was a shock to the system at first. The constant drinking, the lack of music, the silence of interactions (white people are soooo much more silent than black folks), the college sense of humor, and the obsession of sports left me without solid ground to stand on. For the previous six years, I was surrounded by black folks (more or less black folks that shared my racial complexity), and I had no recollection of how to behave in this new world. But instead of running back to black folks, which proved rather dissatisfying, I adjusted. Soon, I could sit out the silences and drink with the best of them. But also, I was eating healthier, having more positive conversations, and trying stuff I never would have done before. Pink Floyd, Camping, Beer, Dave Matthews Band, Dance Clubs (as in Techno), have all been some pretty awesome additions.
I am actually much more at peace with my racial identity now than I can ever recall in my past. It’s primarily because I gave up the baggage that came along with associating with any one race, and just did what felt right to me. And whatever persons had those similar interest, those are my crew. Currently, I primarily hang out with a Guatemalan, Jordanian, Mexican, Nigerian, White, Black crew, and am loving it. The only thing I wish is that more black folks would let go of their roles. This is not a movie where your character is determined by a script. It was like in middle school when you realized sagging your pants was just silly no matter how many of your black friends were doing it. That is the way you have to approach your habits now. If your eating, acting, taking in stuff that is bad for you, change that. If you are not accepting things just because ‘black people don’t do that’, you might want to change that too. The middle is a great place to be, and there is plenty of room. Strangely everyone wants to keep things black and white.
posted by Anthony Jackson at 4:53 PM
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